The Phone Calls
by geek179
Summary: Edward Elric is the only person who can make domestic life more of a crisis than the legit end of the world, and Roy should probably just unplug all the phones in his vicinity. But he doesn't, because, for some reason that Roy can't fathom, he and Ed have actually become friends between the screaming matches and the apocalypse. Post-brotherhood. Friendship fic.
1. 1st call

Roy had been in a meeting. It wasn't a particularly important meeting. They were still hashing out the details of creating a new Ishval, arguing over costs and who should design the new settlement and how it should be presented to the people. All of those details were important and needed to be talked about, but this meeting's focus was specifically on how the settlement should be designed and some older, more prejudiced military personnel, were complaining that since the Amestrian military was paying, Amestrian military should have the design rights and the final say.

Miles was clearly and concisely explaining to the man leading this campaign why he was an idiot, and that they already had a team of Ishvalan architects working on some plans, would he like to see some drafts? Mustang had already thrown his full support behind Miles and Scar, or whatever name he went by now, so he didn't feel the need to talk. Just nod when Miles paused a bit in his speech and work on trying not to doodle on his notes. He was just there since he was the General in charge of the entire project and the idiot group of soldiers who disagreed with Miles thought they could sway Mustang to their side.

Miles' explanation on how well thought out the plans already were was interrupted by the door being opened by a nervous lieutenant. The man seemed to shrink as all the eyes fell on him, but he scurried over to Roy anyway.

"There's a call for you, Sir," he whispered into Roy's ear a little too loudly.

"Why don't you go take that, Sir?" Miles phrased it like a question, but it didn't sound much like one to Roy.

"Yes, I think I will, Major," Roy answered. The group that had been trying to campaign against Miles was glaring at him, since it was Roy they were trying to get unsuccessfully on their side. Roy decided to fuck it and just clearly pick a side in front of them. "It seems like you have everything under control, Major Miles. I will be in my office later if you could brief me on what happens."

Glad for the reprieve from the boring meeting, he wondered who had called and why it was so urgent, his people knew how to deal with most of his calls in ways that didn't involve him. Although, Roy didn't recognize the lieutenant, which probably meant he worked for communications and not directly under Roy.

"So, Lieutenant, who is requesting my presence?" Roy asked once they were out of the meeting with the door shut safely behind them. Roy winced as he heard some yelling now that he wasn't there to monitor the situation. Miles could handle it.

"Uh, we don't know, Sir," the man answered as he led Roy down toward communications. "He called your old number, which connects to Colonel Desrochers now. Her office sent him to call the main communication hub to reach you, and now he won't stop calling until we let him talk to you. It's been a little over two hours since his first call to Colonel Desrochers. He gave us a code for an urgent matter, but it is a few years old, so we aren't sure how seriously to take him." The man was confident in his explanation, but faltered again when he looked back at Roy. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Sir, but Colonel Hawkeye said you should probably take the call."

Roy was trying to figure out who the Hell would try to call him that didn't have his military extension, but couldn't think of anyone. The only people he really talked to that wasn't in the military was his aunt, his aunt's employees, or Gracia Hughes, and the lieutenant seemed confident that the caller was a man. And Riza never would let him slack off from a meeting like this if it wasn't important. But this was certainly more interesting than a meeting. By this point they were already at the main communication room.

"Well, I'm sure this will be interesting at the very least, Lieutenant," Roy reassured the man. "Which phone?"

"Number five, Sir," the man answered and snapped a quick salute to Roy before heading to another room. The room was empty and Roy made his way over to the phone, quick with his own curiosity.

"Hello," Roy said into the phone carefully. He barely got the entire word out before the person on the other end started speaking.

"Fucking finally," the voice interrupted loudly. Roy almost pulled the phone away from his ear at the volume. "I thought I was never going to get to you, Bastard."

It was amazing how Edward could make something as simple as a phone call be completely Roy's fault. Riza must have known from the outdated urgent code that it was Edward. He would never have thought Edward would reach out to him. And it was urgent apparently, so maybe Edward was in trouble and they had made him wait? Edward didn't sound in pain, and his annoyance could be attributed to the game of phone tag he had been playing. "To what do I owe this pleasure, Edward?"

"Oh, don't sounds like this is some great hassle for you," Edward snarled from the other end of the line. "I'm sure you were thrilled that I could pull you away from the dull details of whatever the fuck you actually do."

Edward's bluntness and inability to be tactful at all when talking to most people always made Roy question how he could stand the little shit, never mind actually worry about his safety. The Elric's had been in Resembool for the past two years. Alphonse was adjusting to having his body back and Edward had refused to leave his side. Roy noted that there was less paperwork when the Elric's, mostly Edward, weren't destroying massive amounts of property in the name of the state. Sometimes it was a little too quiet in the office though without Edward breaking through the door.

All that aside, Roy hadn't directly spoken to Edward practically since the Promised Day. Riza talked to Winry on a regular basis, so he knew what the boys were up to. Roy realized that it was probably the time when Edward and Alphonse decided to go off on their own to learn more about the world. Honestly, it couldn't have been more than a few days since they left their hometown, how did Edward manage to get in trouble this fast? Maybe a short joke would help here.

"Be that as it may," Roy answered smoothly. "I am a bit _short_ on time at the moment, so if you could get to your point?"

"Yeah, yeah," Edward answered flippantly. "I'm getting to that." It was probably bad that with Edward you worried when he didn't scream at you for insulting him. Roy had half expected Edward to hang up on him, not ignore it completely.

"Is everything alright?" Roy asked tentatively, not wanting to risk the exploding bomb that was Edward's temper. "Is Alphonse okay?"

"What? Yeah, of course," Edward answered distractedly, then seemed to process what Roy had said about his little brother. "Why, did you hear something? I knew I shouldn't have let him go off on his own. He's going to get his ass hurt. What did you hear?"

"No," Roy answered, running his hands through his hair and feeling like this conversation wasn't going to go anywhere. "No, I haven't heard anything about Alphonse. It's just," Roy searched for an explanation, but couldn't describe how their relationship was not one where there was a lot of casual conversation. Edward never seemed to grasp rules, especially social ones, so explaining it to him would be useless. FInally Roy settled on: "You called me."

"Oh, yeah that," Edward answered, just seeming to realize that this might be weird. "Well, you weren't my first choice!" Edward defended, and Roy diplomatically resisted pointing out that he knew Edward had been on the phone for over two hours to contact him.

"Of course," Roy placated, but by now he was hoping Edward would just get to the point even if it meant that Roy would probably have to fill out a plethora of paperwork about demolished buildings or angry locals. "What do you need, Edward? Did you destroy another building? Piss off another cult? Are you calling me from jail?"

"No, no, nothing like that, bastard," Edward answered and Roy only grew more worried because Edward's voice still had a weird distant quality to it. The same kind Edward had when he was too wrapped up in research to pay attention to what people were saying around him. It sort of made Roy think that this problem was worse than anything he could have imagined.

"I may have, uh, that is to say that I..." Edward started uncertainty, and that set off alarm bells like nothing else in Roy's head because Edward always acted like the most arrogant little shit even when he had no idea what he was doing, especially if he had no idea what he was doing. "I kinda asked Winry -" whatever he said next was too mumbled and garbled for Roy to make out, and Roy was just relieved that Edward hadn't caused an international incident, just an incident in his love life.

Roy's grin was at a point that Riza called maniacal and usually made Havoc dive for cover. Edward Elric's love life, because everyone knew how that was going to eventually happen, was something to laugh about. Roy tried to keep his voice from shaking with it. "What did you ask young Ms. Rockbell?"

"I think I asked her to marry me," Edward answered, uncertainty. His voice was practically a whisper and Roy couldn't contain his laughter anymore. Roy laughed so hard he almost dropped the phone and was starting to get strange looks from the soldiers manning the desk at the front of the room. It was hard to hear Edward's defensive words over the sound of his own laughter.

"Are you not sure?" Roy asked breathlessly, after a nice long laugh. Trust Edward to brighten his day in the strangest ways.

"It all happened so fast," the distant tone was back again when Edward answered. Probably over thinking the entire thing. Edward was the stupidest genius Roy knew. Roy stayed silent, with a few laughs slipping out as Edward went on absentmindedly voicing his thoughts. "She mentioned something about dates or something and then I was thinking about dating her, but, like, I already like her and she likes me, so I was thinking that maybe we're passed that, but can you be passed that? So, I asked her if she would take half of my life if I could have half of hers," trust Edward to even make his love life revolve around equivalent exchange, Roy thought as he continued to listen to his rambling. "And then she, then she told me that I could have her whole life," Edward's voice cracked a bit. "And, can she do that? I've been thinking about it the whole train ride and I still don't know."

"I think congratulations are in order then," Roy answered in the most steady voice he could muster. Edward was not the only one to ever overthink his love life, but of course he would do it in the most interesting ways.

"Don't sound so smug, you bastard!" Edward yelled, and yes that was more familiar. "I'm only calling you because I have no idea how to reach Al right now!" Then his voice dropped again. "Holy shit, I proposed. I didn't even have a ring. I fucked the entire thing up."

Roy decided not to point out the droves of friends Edward had around the country that would have happily listened to his romantic disaster of a love life. "I think Ms. Rockbell knows what you meant, Edward."

"But what if she doesn't?" Ed agonized, drawing the words out. Roy wondered if he should explain that Ed was the light of Winry's life the same way Winry was Ed's because Edward clearly didn't seem to understand how much that girl loved him.

"I should go back," Edward was going on firmly. "I should find a ring and I should go back and do the one knee thing and not fuck it all up."

"Edward," Roy laughter was gone by now and he was sort of wishing Ed was here so he could hit him over the head. "Where are you right now?"

"West City," Edward answered. "Why?"

Roy did not even try to resist the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. Even when Edward wasn't his subordinate any more, he still had to put up with his inability to think things through. "And where is Ms. Rockbell?"

"In Resembool," Ed answered, with confusion in his voice. "Or maybe in Rush Valley by now, she was going back soon…" Edward trailed off, seeming to come to some sort of conclusion. "I don't even know where she is. I would be a horrible husband. Why would I ask her to marry me?"

"Edward," Roy said to get the man's attention as he berated himself. "You should call her."

"We already established that I'm so useless I don't even know where she is," Ed answered and managed to make his self-deprecation sound like a scathing insult to Roy.

"So, you call Resembool first," Roy said, slowly in the way that he explained concepts to little Elysia Hughes sometimes. "And, if she isn't there, you call her number for Rush Valley."

There was silence on the other end of the line and Roy was momentarily worried that Ed had hung up on him.

"Well," Edward said, drawing out the word in a condescending way after his moment of contemplation. "I guess you can't be completely useless all the time, so thanks, Colonel bastard."

"It's General Bastard now, actually," Roy corrected lightly, thankful that he was no longer dealing with a dejected Elric.

"Yeah, yeah," Ed answered and Roy could practically picture the wild gesticulations of his hands at the flippant tone. "Well, I have to call Winry now, General Bastard, so don't fuck up the government too bad."

Roy was about to respond when he heard the unmistakeable sound of the line going dead. Manners and thanks were not Edward Elric's strong points, so Roy decided to forgive Ed's rudeness.

He hung up his own phone, and took a moment to straighten the coat of his uniform and run a hand through his hair to straighten it. Edward Elric was getting married. Well, if anyone deserved a nice quiet life after all they had been through, it had to be Ed. Roy quirked a small smile at the phone. It would be nice to see his old subordinate truly happy for once.

Schooling his expression, Roy made his way out of the communications room, intending on sharing this news with his team. He was sure there were quite a few bets going around about this topic, and that a few people would need to collect their winnings.


	2. 2ed Call

The sharp knock on wood woke Roy up with a start. He was a pretty light sleeper in unfamiliar environments, and he blinked the sleep out of his eyes for a few seconds before realizing what woke him. He took in the guest bedroom that he had been put up in for the next few nights and made his way over to the door of the room.

Tomorrow was Edward and Winry's wedding, and it was going to be on the hills that the couple had grown up on. But, both of them had many friends that they wanted to invite, and, considering that the event had quite a few Amestrian government officials, and the Emperor of Xing, it was quite a guest list. However, the Resembool Inn just didn't have the capacity, which was about 10 rooms, to hold all of these guests. Fortunately, the people who lived in this town were kind and always willing to help out a neighbor, so many of them had opened up their homes and guest rooms to the wedding guests.

Pulling the door open slightly revealed Maddie Gray, the kind woman who had been one of the many to open up her home for the mass influx of people that the Elric-Rockbell wedding drew in. She was a smiling middle age woman who taught at the local elementary school, and had been full of both humorous and horrifying tales of the Elric brothers and Winry as children. The poor woman had been through quite a lot.

Her smile was warm, despite whatever late hour it was, and her eyes held a bit of laughter. "There's a phone call for you" she told him in a whisper and gestured for him to follow her down the hall. Roy followed obediently and absently wondered what kind of international incident had to be happening for anyone to call him right now.

He picked up the phone she indicated and stealed himself to hear about a crisis of sometype.

"It's Mustang," he said into the line, so whoever was on the line could start talking so he could get back to sleep.

"I know it's you, bastard. I called you." Roy wondered if it was bad that he would have prefered an international crisis right now.

"Ah, Edward," Roy answered as he fought back a yawn successfully. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Edward didn't answer right away, but there was some heavy breathing from the other end of the line. Roy was just about to hang up and blame the bad rural connection, when Edward burst out into speech.

"I can't go through with this. Winry deserves better than some guy who is willing to leave at any moment and I'm awful at writing, and I always forget to call. And, honestly, if behaviors are passed on genetically than we're fucked, because obviously my dad was a shittier husband than he was a father, which is saying something. And even if it isn't genetic, my track record for making her cry is awful, and Mustang, you gotta help me get out of this."

Roy rubbed at his temples and wondered how the headache could have come on so quickly. His hostess gave him a sympathetic look, Elric headaches must be common around here, then left the room, presumably to go back to sleep.

"Edward," Roy started, but was interrupted before he could get any farther.

"Don't you 'Edward' me, bastard," Edward shot back. "Don't you care about Winry at all? If you did you would put a stop to this right now."

"What does Alphonse think about this?" Roy asked, hoping that perhaps he could implore the help of the younger and generally more rational Elric.

There was a brief moment of silence. "Al said that if I didn't go through with this wedding after all the work he put into planning it he would murder me. In my sleep. With milk."

"Is that why you are up at this hour instead of sleeping like a groom should be the night before his wedding?" Roy inquired feeling that Alphonse also probably needed more sleep since he had done practically all the work as a wedding present to the happy couple.

Apparently, Edward and Winry had intended it to be a small ceremony with just family, but it quickly spiraled out of control when the Emperor of Xing, apparently a close friend of Ed's, demanded to be invited, and it only went downhill from there. Kind and patient Alphonse had quickly taken control of the situation, dealing with each crisis and trial as it came. Although, over the past few days the poor young man had been close to snapping when something didn't go as planned.

"I already told you," Ed snapped, interrupting Roy's thoughts. "I can't go through with this."

"Edward, do you love Winry?" Roy questioned before Ed could start on whatever self-deprecating statement he was going to say next.

"Of course I love Winry," Ed answered in confusion. "What kind of dumb question-"

"Are you planning on having a romantic relationship with anyone else?"

"No!" The mix of anger and indignation in Ed's voice was always better than confusion. "I would never cheat on Winry, that's awful!"

"Are you already bored with her and want to leave again?"

"What the hell are you suggesting, you bastard?" Ed yelled, although in a sort of whisper because Roy can imagine that everyone else is asleep in the house and Ed knew better than to wake them up. "I could never be bored with Winry! She is amazing and wonderful, and I'm going to marry her!"

Roy heard the phone line go dead, as Ed ends the call in his anger. Roy smiled to himself, riling up Ed had always worked out well in the past.

The phone rings again, and Roy has a feeling he knows who it is, but picks it up saying, "Gray residence" anyway.

"I know exactly what you are doing, bastard," Ed said in a low voice rather than a greeting. There's a pause, and Roy has a moment to wonder how to respond. Edward rarely called him out on his manipulation before.

"Thanks," Edward said before Roy can think of anything. It's quick and sharp, like ripping off a bandaid, and the line goes dead again right after.

Roy carefully hangs up the phone, and heads quietly back to bed. Hopefully he can get back to sleep quickly in order to be well rested for what is surely going to be the wedding of the century tomorrow.


End file.
